The emotional value of adults is given by themselves.

Original insight

Author: insight yangtuo

Live to be your own sun.

A word has been popular in the past two years: emotional value.

Anyone who can’t provide emotional value will be labeled as "unworthy of association".

But when we repeatedly ask others to provide emotional value, we will find that there are very few people who can really give themselves enough emotional support.

Everyone’s energy is limited, no one will always listen to you, and no one will always solve your worries.

Emotional value, in the final analysis, depends on yourself.

01

"Memoirs of Wang Zengqi" has such a character-rash fellow.

Errash fellow is from Fuping. Although he is only a handyman in the art troupe, almost everyone in the troupe is "impressed" by him.

Because he has an obvious feature: he loves to complain.

In 1937, Japanese soldiers burned and robbed in Fuping, his parents were killed and his sister was spoiled.

Cruel blow, directly shot him down to the abyss.

At a conference, he began to tell his misfortune, and when he said it, he burst into tears and cried.

Many people were moved by it and sent it to comfort and encourage them.

But then every time we met, he would talk about it and cry his heart out every time.

Those who have comforted him have long been tired of listening, and began to say that he was unlucky. In the end, they even ignored him and hid when they saw him.

Imagine, who wants to let an emotional black hole tear their energy every day?

Life is not easy, everyone has their own grievances and boredom.

As soon as you encounter pain, you want to get comfort from others. Over time, others will naturally feel disgusted and disgusted.

The emotional value of others is limited after all, and no one will always support you.

In the world of adults, we are happy and sad, and we know ourselves well.

Learning to provide emotional value for yourself is the best salvation.

02

There is a scene in the novel Fortress Besieged that has impressed me so far:

When Fang Hung-chien was heartbroken, he asked his friends to drink to relieve boredom.

But instead of getting the expected comfort, he was ridiculed by his friends:

"It’s really a mountain out of a molehill to be so cynical for a young girl."

Fang Hung-chien was surprised at first, then angry, but finally chose silence.

The joys and sorrows of people are not connected.

Trying to get emotional comfort from others is mostly perfunctory and incomprehensible.

When the freelance writer canoe first entered the workplace, he was under great pressure at work, and something happened at home. During that time, he was very depressed.

For several nights, she tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep, just looking for someone to talk to.

Finally, once, she got up the courage to open WeChat and sent a long message to her best friend, complaining about her troubles at home while pouring out her troubles at work.

After waiting for a long time, my girlfriend replied faintly: I was just busy, don’t think too much, just sleep.

At first glance, the canoe collapsed even more.

Unwilling, she called another old classmate again, but the other party disagreed: What a big deal …

Hearing this, the canoe was very sad, but it had to hang up silently.

To oneself is a great pain, but to others is dust that can be brushed away at will.

I always expect someone to comfort me when I am sad, and someone to encourage me when I am down.

But in the end, I found that there is no empathy in the world.

No matter when and where, your joy and your sorrow are not cared by so many people.

Life is your own, and your emotions can only be cured by yourself.

03

The cartoonist Lu Yishan shared an experience with her.

She was subjected to violence on campus and was isolated by many classmates.

Even with my roommate in the dormitory, I don’t want to have dinner with her.

In this isolated state, the whole person in Lushan is lifeless, unable to eat every day, and his mood is on the verge of collapse several times.

But even so, no one cares about her.

She can only talk to her former friends one by one, hoping to get a little encouragement and relief.

Unexpectedly, her friends didn’t care about her situation at all, but scoffed and thought she was making a mountain out of a molehill.

At this point, she no longer mentioned it to anyone.

In order to cheer herself up, she spent all her spare time on painting, and ran to the studio after class to set up a drawing board.

Feel the inner peace in every line sketch; In each color rendering, re-inject joy into your life.

In this way, relying on one painting after another, she finally got out of that unbearable time.

Think of a passage in "skins": when you often can’t stand it, you also want to find a backer.

But you will find that some mountains are full of thorns, and some mountains are full of wild animals …

Therefore, you should be your own mountain.

Grievances don’t have to be complained to everyone; Pain doesn’t have to be told to everyone.

Do more high-energy things, don’t be negative-energy people, and nourish your emotions, so that you can save yourself from fire and water again and again.

04

Cheng Lin, a well-known leadership coach, had a very bad time.

Because the new project in the company didn’t go well, she began to be passive and complain everywhere.

At a class reunion, she couldn’t help complaining to a few close friends.

"It’s too bad for me. The resource allocation of the project manager is uneven, and the professionalism of my colleagues is not enough. I don’t know how long the project will be delayed …"

At first, friends echoed a few words of comfort, but Cheng Lin talked more and more, but they gradually became silent.

It turns out that a friend has just been laid off and still doesn’t know where to go; A friend hasn’t received a project for several months …

I thought I was the only one who was unfortunate, but I never thought that everyone had their own difficulties.

So she stopped looking for comfort everywhere, but silently encouraged herself and cheered for herself.

If the project is stuck, actively look for problems; When you encounter difficulties, you will solve them with your colleagues.

Finally, the project was not only successfully completed, but also praised by the leaders for the first time.

Psychologist Christopher Meng said: All sources of energy come from yourself.

In this bizarre society, everyone is busy.

Want to comfort, maybe others are also being hit; Expect emotional resonance, and others may be suffering from severe pain.

It’s better to heal yourself than to seek for his healing.

Keep a positive attitude and live as your own sun.

Even if life is bleak, I believe you can continue to provide emotional support for yourself, cross the trough and move on.

▽

The novel The Ferryman says: If life is a lonely river, who will be the ferryman of your soul?

The answer is: myself.

The emotional value of adults can only be given to themselves.

Sad mood, comfort yourself; Words can’t describe the pain, licking yourself.

Stay optimistic and accept everything.

Original title: "The emotional value of adults is given by themselves."

Read the original text