The movie ＂Finding You＂ sparked a heated discussion about how working mothers face ＂pressure＂.

　　On October 5th, the movie "Finding You" starring Ma Yili and Yao Chen was released nationwide. The film shows the completely different life states of the two mothers played by Ma Yili and Yao Chen, among which the working mother played by Yao Chen has aroused heated discussion among many people. After watching the movie, many women in the workplace found their own shadow. However, the reporter’s investigation found that not being understood is only part of all kinds of pressures faced by working mothers, social views and recognition of their own values … … All kinds of pressures are bringing them all kinds of psychological problems.

　　The executive resigned and went home to give birth, but she seemed to be a different person.

　　He Min, 37, graduated from Waseda University in Japan and worked in a large enterprise in Chongqing for many years. At the age of 35, she became a rare female executive in the enterprise. In 2017, she married her husband who returned from studying abroad. Her husband was gentle and considerate, and their family conditions were excellent.

　　However, all this changed at the end of 2017 because of He Min’s pregnancy. Because she is an elderly woman, He Min decided to resign after careful consideration. "I hope to raise my children personally before they go to primary school." He Min thinks that intergenerational education has great disadvantages, and she is confident that with her ability, "it is easy to return to the workplace in the future."

　　He Min resigned, and this decision was initially supported by the whole family. But then, the family found that He Min was like a different person after resigning.

　　In the memory of father CSI, my daughter was a gentle and considerate person since she was a child, but as the days of waiting at home became longer and longer, He Min’s temper became bigger and bigger, and she showed a strong desire for control in all aspects of the family.

　　He Min requires that the whole family must get up before 7: 30 every morning, even if it is a weekend and her husband works overtime until the early hours of the morning, there can be no accommodation. Every dish in every meal at home, even in which supermarket to buy vegetables and meat at home, must be carried out in full accordance with her requirements. "If something is wrong, she will be furious." He Min’s harsh demands at any time and place make his parents breathless.

　　In addition to control, she also became suspicious. In the eyes of her husband, He Min, who was confident and generous in the past, disappeared. Just two months ago, He Min’s husband went on a business trip in other places. It was already 8 pm after work. He had already booked a plane ticket to Chongqing the next morning, but He Min suddenly insisted that her husband must come back that night, and the couple argued. Afraid that He Min would get angry and hurt his health, her husband had to rush to the airport that night to buy a business class ticket for the early morning flight.

　　"How did you become like this?" This is what He Min often hears in the quarrel. In fact, she has been in fear herself. "I know it’s wrong now, but I can’t control it." She felt that she was now in a panic: "Do I have to do nothing all the time?"? Can I really go back to my familiar workplace in the future? "

　　Last month, at the insistence of her family, He Min came to the psychological clinic. At this time, she discovered that she had serious psychological problems instead of simple emotional changes.

　　She wants to get closer to her son, but it makes the relationship between mother and child more tense.

　　Before the baby was born, He Min was already overwhelmed. She hoped that the pregnancy would end, and the busy life of raising the baby could dilute anxiety. However, things may not be as natural as she thought. Although some professional women have been mothers for many years, it is still difficult to find the right direction.

　　Li Mian, who lives in Eling, Yuzhong District, has worked as the operation director in a large state-owned enterprise for 20 years, and his son is 11 years old. Since her son was over 10 years old, Li Mian found that the relationship between her son and her has become the most alienated of the whole family. "In the summer vacation, he would rather stay at home with his grandparents than go to Disney with me."

　　Li Mian’s work is busy, and he often needs to work overtime or go on a business trip. He rarely gets home before 9 pm. "On weekends, I just want to stay at home and don’t want to go anywhere." Li Mian’s biggest embarrassment is that he has too little company for his son. "Usually his father is with him."

　　As his son grew up, Li Mian found that his son had resistance to himself. "I tried to hug him several times, but he dodged." Li Mian asked the child’s grandparents. Grandpa said, "He is afraid that he has some complaints about you. On weekends, he wants you to go out with him, but you stay at home by yourself." Li Mian felt even more guilty after hearing this.

　　In the first half of this year, Li Mian deliberately increased the time spent with his son, trying to finish his work before 7 o’clock every day, going home early to accompany his son in his homework, checking his homework and revising it together. On weekends, she will also take her son to the bookstore or climb mountains.

　　However, Li Mian found that in getting along with her son, she was under some pressure, which mainly came from not knowing how to get along with her son. Sitting with her son, she seems to be unable to find anything to say except studying. "Sometimes it’s clear that one second it’s fine, and the next, my son is unhappy. I don’t know why." At the same time, Li Mian’s son didn’t think it was a good thing for his mother to pay more attention. He told his grandfather, "Being nervous with my mother will only make me do things I don’t like."

　　Her own efforts backfired, which made Li Mian feel wronged. Although she felt tired at work, she was handy. She had handled all kinds of complicated relationships in society, but now she was nervous about every subtle expression of her son. "I don’t know, what’s wrong with me?"

　　(The protagonists in the text are all pseudonyms)

　　Chongqing morning post reporter Shi Heng

　　Working mothers at different stages have different pressures.

　　Jiang Chenggang, a psychologist at Chongqing Maternal and Child Health Hospital, said that working mothers are equivalent to one person taking on two roles: professional women and mothers. The double pressure brings them a lot of troubles. "Compared with men, they will project their feelings in the workplace into their families more, so the psychological problems they encounter are probably not just their own problems, but also the problems of the whole family."

　　"Working mothers have different troubles at different stages." Jiang Chenggang analyzed that when a professional woman just became a mother, because of the changes in physiological hormones and identity, her psychology became sensitive, and she also became suspicious, anxious and irritable.

　　The energy and energy of working mothers will always fluctuate back and forth between motherhood and working women’s identity. When the family needs her more, she will give more energy to the family; But when there are more things in the workplace, she is more involved in the workplace. Most of the time, women in the workplace can adjust themselves to achieve the balance between the two relationships. If the energy of the two identities is unbalanced and both sides are consuming her energy, problems will follow.

　　If the family doesn’t understand, support and complain, they will be alienated and feel lonely. In order to replace the lack of family feeling, they will seize the workplace and try their best to realize their value, and finally face the double oppression of the workplace and the family.

　　Don’t trap yourself in a role.

　　How do working mothers avoid psychological problems? Jiang Chenggang introduced that women’s own adjustment and growth play an important role. Before becoming a mother, professional women should have an appropriate expectation for their future life in advance, which should not be too high or too perfect. Many working mothers label their lives as working women and mothers, and bind themselves in such an identity, which is wrong. People should make themselves a person with multiple roles: you are not only a working woman, a mother, but also a tourist and a flower arranging enthusiast … … Don’t let the workplace and family occupy all your life.

　　In May of this year, Zhaopin and the Global Think Tank (CCG) jointly conducted a survey on the working mothers and released the "Investigation Report on the Living Conditions of Working Mothers in 2018". The report shows that the salary and rank of working mothers are higher than that of ordinary working women. 60% of stay-at-home mothers want to return to the workplace, pay attention to the convenience of commuting, and have higher job loyalty. However, they also generally encounter promotion bottlenecks. They think that career opportunities are less than those of men, and they encounter difficulties in work-life balance, transformation and promotion.

　　In addition, working mothers generally have the characteristics of high education.